3 more days (yawn) to go

And we are so tired we can barely stand up :) But..... SCOTT GOT THE JOB! Hooray!

Christmas is right around the Corner!

But I still feel all ansty inside.  Scott is gone all night, working late, late shifts at the Five.  It's been so difficult these past years having him gone every single Christmas.  I think the only year that we've been together that he hasn't worked at Big 5 was our first year and that was a different sort of year since it was, well, our first.  The years after that, the ones that  we really wanted to be more involved in the holiday traditions with our family, as well as creating new ones for ourselves, he has always worked at Big 5 and had to work 6 days a week throughout December.  It leaves me to do all the decorating, shopping, planning, cooking etc.  I feel bad for both of us.  I think this year I'll throw us a mini-pity party ;)  Nope, just kidding.  It is hard though.  He feels bad that he doesn't get to help plan gifts and take part in decorating and I get upset that I have to do everything by myself.  Throw a new baby in the mix and things take on a rather emotional angle.  We have both really felt the toll of him leaving until almost midnight each day.  He usually goes while Rom is down for her nap and she wakes up asking, "Dada? Where Dada?"  It's enough to break your heart.  And then we're both exhausted from the late nights (him working, me waiting up to see him when he gets home) so our mornings are usually slow going; not cool for Rom either.

Okay, time to perk up!!!!

All our handmade Christmas gifts are finished.  We really endeavored to be a bit more crafty this year.  And Scott put in the extra effort to be involved with the making of a few special gifts (although I don't think anything can top his birdfeeders from a few years back, still waiting for mine ;).  I feel so blessed to have a family that appreciates these sorts of exchanges.  I hear horror stories from friends about other friends or family members who want a "storebought" Christmas and won't settle for less.  There's just something about those homemade gifts that really makes me smile.  And I love visiting my relatives houses and seeing the things we've made for each other over the years proudly displayed (sometimes in all their lopsided childhood handprinted glory).  I can't wait to see what nifty little crafts Romilly pulls out of her stocking this year. She's a special little girl in her ability to recognize a handmade trinket and latch on to it with an endearing smile and coo.  And I can't wait to see what she makes for us in the coming years as her abilities to create gifts herself manifests!  Okay, now I don't feel so pitiful.  I'm terribly excited for Christmas (especially now that some of the hardest parts are behind us, save a few more midnight shifts on Scott's part) and can't wait for Rom to visit with her Aunties and Uncles and Grandpa and Tutu and to meet her very special cousins Jen and Jay!  I can hardly wait four more days!

Four Days to Go!

Where has this month gone????

Elven Days and Counting!

Whew! Is it really only eleven days til Christmas?? It seems that so much has happened these last few weeks.  We got our tree last night (I swear it must have been the last tree in the Tri Cities!) and it's a whopper.  We had to call Grandpa E. to come haul it in his truck because we couldn't strap it to the Subie.  That's a first ;)  I can't wait to see Rom's face when she sees that tree stuck up in the corner of the living room for the next two weeks!  We'll post some pictures later.

Oh the joys of Toddler-hood.  I wonder some days if Romilly knows how much she has changed everything for us.  She is such a little wonder!  She copies everything we do (good and bad) and has her own style, even for one so young.

We are so excited for our first Toddler Christmas.  Although Rom's first Christmas was technically last year, this feels more like her first Christmas since she has so much more personality and involvement this go round.  "Santa" has a special place this year and he is bringing her a special toy kitchen (so we've heard through the grapevine ;) that will require a bit of assembly on our part.  We are really, really looking forward to sitting up late Christmas Eve after the Wee One is in bed and popping everything together as quietly as two little elves.  I'm certain that our tiredness will be forgotten as Romilly hops into the living room wide eyed with surprise Christmas morning!

We are also looking forward to our first Gluten-Free/Vegetarian Christmas Eve Dinner.  After some back and forth we settled on one of our favorite dishes; Sweet Potato Enchiladas, and have been denying ourselves the pleasure of eating them since October in preparation for Christmas Eve.  We also plan to try a few new recipes out of the Vegetarian Times Magazines we've collected and are collaborating with our similarly GF/Veg relatives to create a feast!  Mmmm....I can't wait, I'm hungry just thinking about it!

Rom and I have been busy working on Christmas Crafts as well as compiling our dinner menu.  She has been a very big helper and I have been teaching her about Elmer's glue, stickers (which she loves anyway) craft paper and paints.  She has helped me to make gift tags, glued some critical gluings and been my "assistant" on some key projects.  I've always wanted a little elf at Christmas time ;) Our projects are nearly finished but it seems that every year I find myself busy right up through Christmas Morning; let's see if I can get around that this year!

Little Birds in My Garden

Here are some shots of my Birdy Friends of late.  They are spending a lot of time in the garden and around the house.  There have been finches, doves and lately some black-capped chickadees.  I'm hoping that we can get them to stick around until spring and make a more permanent home near Rom's window...

Memories

"I have memories-but only a fool stores his past in the future."~David Gerrold

It seems that right now there is a lot of focus on the past.  Everywhere I turn there is talk of tradition and memories of holidays gone by.  I can't help but wonder why? Why do we cling so tightly to the things that happened days, months even years ago as though those things mean more than the things that are happening right now, under our very noses?

Living in the present has been especially difficult to accomplish this Christmas Season.  My heart's desire is to begin new traditions with our little one but it seems that around me my loved ones cling to the old and are frightened of ushering in any new traditions or making new memories.  It is as though there is the fear that by creating these new memories,we will somehow be diminishing or tarnishing the old.  It frightens me to think that instead of cherishing the opportunities to make new lasting memories they are willing to live completely in the past; replaying past holidays over and over in an attempt to recapture some of those lost childhood memories instead of taking the risk involved with living in the present.

I'm not sure how to reconcile my heartfelt desire to live in the present with my loved ones expressed desire to continue on representing the past.  It seems as though we may always reach a stalemate and I feel that the only person that will lose in the long run is our little Rom.  I'm so saddened by this.  So, to memories.  I will cling to my beautiful memories but I recognize that without diligently pushing forward into the future I can never hope to make any new memories to carry me through when this amazing present becomes my magnificent past.

There's No Place Like Home For the Holidays

St. Nick

I love the smell of our Christmas ornaments.  I opened up the boxes today and started arrange the tinsel garlands throughout the house and there is a smell now, a cross between something dusty and something loved, permeating the kitchen and den and living room that tells me that, finally, Christmas is on it's way.  Three weeks! I'm so excited.  As expected this year has it's share of ups and downs in store for us but we are facing them with our chins up and a positive HO! HO! HO! instead of like previous years where we had a tendency to sweep our feelings under the skirt along with the needles dropped from the Christmas Tree.

Dressy Herbs

Scott and I started the morning cleaning and somehow moved into a decorating mode.  It's funny how our decorations look so spare in this house compared to our tiny apartments past.  We spread out tinsel garlands over the kitchen cupboards and around some of the windows, wound lights over the wine rack that we can't seem to part with, put up our vinyl window clings and mistletoe and it still doesn't seem "decorated" in here yet.  Maybe when we get the tree it will feel cozier.  I'm planning a trip to the dollar store and St. Vincent to add to what we already have in the meantime. Maybe I can find time to whip up some fudge today too; who knows where the day will take me.

Not Quite by the Chimney

I can't wait to see Romilly's face when she wakes up on Christmas Morning and sees all the presents under our tree.  I can see her little face all aglow, the Christmas lights pale in comparison to her rosy cheeks.  We'll have to sneak little bites of food into her sweet mouth in between her oohs and ahhs as she opens her wee presents from Mommy and Daddy and that one Special gift that Santa found a way to sneak in (despite our lack of a chimney).  Oh, I can't wait!  What a delight to finally have a child at Christmas time to share the joy of the holiday with, I've waited so long for her and I love her soooooo much.  Merry Christmas little one ;)

Music

In our home music is a central part of every day.  Driving in the car, doing laundry, making dinner; all these chores will find one of us singing, humming a tune or these days tooting on a whistle or kazoo.  I am so in love with the fact that our little Rom Tom has inherited the music gene.  She loves all things musical and has a special rhythm all her own when she dances.  We try to nurture her love for sounds and share with her all the different styles and types of music that the world holds in store for her.  Here, she and grandma listen for a bit while mom cleans the house.

Atticus Finch

Somtimes I wander and wonder at the wonder, 

and the winter is the wonder that I wander through and wonder on...  

Tip the copper kettle over, hear! the whistle is no more,  

Boiled long forgotten over, pour and more and more to pour.  

I've wandered through this winter wonder, wandered broad afield today, 

and as I wandered this I pondered, where the fair did go to play.

A tiny red-head sits beside me, whistles tiny songs to me,  

A tiny red-head sits until he flits and floats back to his tree.  

I think I've seen the last of summer.  Winter's here, this now I'm sure.  

Sometimes I wander for the wonder,

like the winter wonder that I wandered through today...




Scott has encouraged me to keep up with my writing lately and I jotted this down as I was shooting pictures of this little finch outside our house today in the decay of the garden.  I don't particularly like to write "nature" poetry and I'm not a big fan of the Pastorals.  However, I thought this little piece fit with my photo of my Finchy friend and wasn't brave enough to start anywhere else in the public forum just yet.....

Deck the Halls?

Little Lights

I have a tingle in my tummy.  It started just after Halloween.  At first I thought it was just a craving for Pumpkin Pie and Apple Cider but now I know otherwise; I've got holiday fever!  Why does it hit me so hard nowadays?  I think part of it being a mom.  I've always been "in to" Christmas and the other winter festive holidays.  Ever since I was little.  Now that I'm a mom, I have this fresh perspective on the whole season.  Things that never mattered so much are suddenly very, very important and, conversely, things that I had held stock in previous years I find myself not

bothering over this winter.

One thing that surprised me this year was how fast it sneaked up on me.  It seems that in previous years I felt so prepared and had things lined out.  I knew where all the ornaments were and where all the decorations were going to be displayed.  This year I couldn't find the boxes after an hour of searching only to have Scott tell me they had been relocated to storage during one of the many trips in that direction this summer.  Hmmm, how did I let that happen?

I also have not even begun to make a Christmas list or to think of presents for others.  Instead I am solely focused on things like baking, dinner making, decorating the house, throwing a Christmas party (still torn on this) making hot chocolate and maybe Caroling if I can get a big enough group to go with me (any takers?).  I feel good about this.  I think having Romilly has helped bring Christmas into perspective for me; helped me to tone things down a bit in the material realm and ramp things up a bit in the familial realm.

This doesn't mean that there won't be the usual Christmas ups and downs, I'm sure.  The confusion over when, where, how and why is already setting in but we are doing our best to go with the flow of things and remember that its about being together, the three of us, that really matters.  Living our lives in the joy of the moment and making memories together as a new family is first and foremost.


As I listen to Star (our local Holiday radio station) and hear them sing of holidays gone by, my step lightens and my heart jingles as I begin to merrily sing my way into the Christmas Season that is upon me presently and imagine Romilly's face lighting up as she bounds from Scott's arms Christmas morning, finally free to frolic in the presents under the tree in the predawn light as the smell of homemade cinnamon bread (ha! we'll see) and coffee (yep) waft from our cozily, if somewhat overly, decorated kitchen.  Ahhh.  I can't wait!

Engagment

I really enjoyed shooting the engagment photos for Ashley and Andrew so here are a few more of their pics. It was rather humbling to work with "live" subjects other than Romilly for a change but I think we will keep it up and see where this leads us.

Ode to an Elph

We just finished up a series of engagment photos for a couple here in the lovely Tri Cities.  It was only our second "official" shoot and we were a bit nervous but I think things turned out well and the feedback seems to be positive so far. 

However, during the shoot, we lost a dear friend.  Brandi tripped and fell and while catching herself smashed the lense on the PowerShot SD890 Digital Elph that has been a faithful camera friend for the past year.  Here are her last wonderful photos.  Goodnight, Sweet Elph.

Ashley McLean and Andrew Morrison

Engagment Shots

Lookout, Portland, for those Waterfalls

Romilly and Daddy

Finally getting around to posting about our trip to Portland and the Oregon Coast.  What a wonderful vacation that turned into.  Romilly had a great visit with her Aunt Jessica and Uncle Erik.  It was so nice to visit their home; we felt relaxed immediately because of their hospitality and cozy home  They helped us to feel more than welcome.  I found myself, on more than one occasion, feeling a bit out of sorts, realizing later that all of the touches that Jessica had put into the Junebug Cottage were things that Scott has put into our home and it was disorienting me to be so far from, yet still so close to, home. 

The Loggers

After a night's stay and wonderful dine out with Jessica and Erik (they took us to a nice eatery and for a lovely walk through the nieghborhood), the following morning led us to the coast.  We changed our itenerary, as we often do, and decided to drive south from Cannon Beach to Cape Lookout State Park for some rockhounding.  We stopped for the obligatory brekkie at Camp 18 first and took the first of many shots of Rom and The Logger.

Dig Dug

The drive south was lovely and the return trip through Tillamook County even lovlier (despite my sleepies) and even though we did not find a single agate, Romilly enjoyed having miles of beach to herself and took advantage accordingly.  Note to new parents first timing on the beach: Bring an extra diaper, sand and baby bottoms do not mix. 

Tub Time

We returned that evening and had some more quality time with our family before our early morning departure on Tuesday.  One more tourist-y stop at Multunomah Falls and then we reluctantly headed home.  All and all, a lovely, lovely trip to finish off our summer vacationing.

Until Next Time!

Green

A Few More Gems from Our Weekend Tours

~Grouse at Sunrise, Mount Rainier National Park~

I just wanted to throw out a few more of our favorite photos from our weekends "abroad" in Washington.  Stay Tuned for our upcoming Oregon Coast trip :)

~The Time Traveler~

Grove of the Patriarchs, Mount Rainier National Park

~Romilly's P.O.V.~

Whidbey Island, Washington

~Skipping Stones~

Whidbey Island, Washington

The Camping Never Ends

~Seattle Aquarium~

We continued our camping adventure with a follow-up weekend trip to Seattle and a stay at Deception Pass State Park on Whidbey Island.  Stopping at the Seattle Aquarium with Romilly was a blast and despite the hassle of a lot of driving we really enjoyed this trip.  We had the addtional joy of getting to visit with an old friend and his fiance, which made the trip extra special.

~Dylan and Romilly~

~Whidbey Island~

~Wee Hiker~

Camping with Romilly

I have extremely fond memories of camping from my childhood.  I think it may have defined a very large part of the person I have become today.  It was also one of the things that attracted me to Scott, his adventuresome nature and love for the outdoors.  When Romilly was born last year I wasn't sure we'd ever get to go out and camp again.  Since we left Seattle, camping has proven increasingly difficult as it is, with our most loved spots farther on the map than they once were and the new Eastern camping provinces proving to be a bit hard for us to adapt to (where are all the trees?). 

This past few weeks we decided it was time to bite the bullet and "cram" a few weekend trips under our belt before another summer passed us by and we found ourselves shut in for the winter.  So, armed with our handy Delorme Map of Washington we picked some likely spots and chose for our first trip Mount Rainier Park.  Or rather Scott chose, I was hands off on the first trip, letting him make all the arrangments and planning.  I was skeptical; I felt that was a bit too far to drive.  I should have consulted the map ages ago! How close the park is to us now, even when compared to living on the West side of the Cascades.  A mere two and half hour drive put us at Ohanapecosh Campground and we proceeded to spend a delightful weekend with our lovely daughter adventuring around the old Mount, wandering up to Sunrise and through the thick, green-veiled canopy of The Grove of the Patriarchs.  I can't wait for next summer; perhaps we can convince some of Romilly's aunts and uncles to join us for a similar adventure in this wonderful National Park.

~Treebeard~

~What a Delicate Web We Weave~

~Mountaineers~

Why Justify?

I don't ask people to justify things to me often.  In fact I am pretty tolerant of most things (barring violence etc., let's call that a given and move on).  I feel that people are basically deserving of living their lives the way they would like to live them, given that they are doing so without harm to those around them.  Okay, this is not a preachy session so moving on.  The point is.  Live and let live.  And its really worked.  I try to be as accepting of other's ways of life as possible in the hope that in return I will be given some leeway when they see me in line at the video store with some cheesy sci-fi for flick I have seen a bazillion times or if I'm caught redhanded listening to Madonna (you know you do it too).  But lately I have found myself justifying to every person I meet my eating habits.  This baffles me.  For years and years I ate the JCG diet.  Junk, crap and garbage.  I wallowed in fast food, eating out most nights and going to the store with a list that often included more food manufactured in a plant than food manufactued on plants.  I got "chunky" and have always been pudgy and no one said anything.  Nobody raised an eyelid if I bought Lean Cuisines by the dozen or if my cart was filled with chips, ice cream and soda. 

Lately I find that everytime I start to load my groceries onto the conveyer belt I am met with raised eyebrows by those around me and soemtimes by the cashiers themselves. I raise up my chin, prepared for the questions and answer session as I remain pinned between a stranger buying Corn Nuts and Mentos to soak up his Red Bull and mom buying organic milk to wash down her Ding Dongs and the questions, it seems, are always there.  "What's up with all the Gluten-free stuff?" Really none of your business but, "We have some intolerance going around."  Which is usually met with rounds of sympathy, disdain or that shared look amongst the group that says "Yea, right, crazy lady on a bandwagon." 

Why?  I have lost almost 15 pounds.  I am not taking medication for my ADD.  My daughter eats better than I ever did.  My husband does not complain of chronic mouth pain or stomach problems.  Why should these people judge me now that I have made a health choice for my family?  Where were they when I was in line at 2 in the morning for Dick's cheeseburgers and fries after work?  Or when I couldn't decide between yellow and chocolate Zingers when I was pregnant so I ate both and washed them down with a Slurpee that could have drowned a small colony of rats?  Now that I have health and wellness why do they look at me like I'm a freak?  And don't even get me started on teh looks I get when they find out about the meatlessness!! You'd think I was announcing plans to terrorize school children with bowls full of peeled grapes calling them eyeballs. 

I mean, is it really so bad?  That I want to feel good and be around to see my daughter grow up and this works for me?  There are people who are out there killing other people with guns and you have to judge me becuase I don't want to eat wheat? Really. Come on.  Let's get over it.  And if you are really feeling sorry for me, pick up some flourless truffle brownies, the ones in the blue and white striped box and whip up a batch.  Heck, splurge on some organic butter and make 'em really naughty.  I dare you to feel sorry for me after you've tasted those bad boys.  Believe me, Zingers? Peeshaw. 

Lightning over the Tri Cities

Beautiful!

We can't be so negative when we focus on what goes into our bodies. When we think about food, which we do almost all day, we need to restructure the way we think about food. It has become so distorted, more about the product before it gets to us and less about what it does for us. I look at Romilly and she is so unadulterated when it comes to her diet. She gets zero junk food, except when she goes to Christina's and has a nibble of homeade chocolate frosting (thanks cuz) but she is still drawn to the cookie packaging and candy aisle. That's marketing. And this from a kid who watches (almost) no television. But look at her. She eats better than we do. No vegetable turned down, no fruit unbegged for, no food uneaten. That's because she doesn't know any different.

What did we do wrong. We gave into the negative feedback from the food industry. Dirt on your food is bad. You need your food pure, clean, fast, easy. You shouldn't have to slave all day in teh kitchen over a hot stove, you deserve a microwaved, easy dinner. Ha, easy to get fat.

Okay, so there I go, sucked into the negative. What do I love about what we are doing with our feeding habits right now? I love that last night we ate a pizza with homemade crust (well sorta homemade, I mean, it was still out of a package, but it wasn't frozen). I love that I made Pesto for the first time in my life and that it turned out and that I did not need a recipe. I love that I used Basil from OUR garden to make that Pesto and I love how Romilly went "mmmm" and said more with her little hands when she licked some of the spoon. I love that every Saturday we are getting up and supporting the Farmer's Market and eating fruit fresh from the vine/tree/dirty ground and that Romilly love berries and tomatoes more than she loves cheese and cookies. I love how you won't eat cheese with veal gut in it or marshmallows anymore becuase you keep thinking about the evil "PIG SKINS" even though marshmallows are soooooo yummy. And I love that we are cooking again and that the only thing that we are microwaving lately is leftovers. We are doing a great job. This was so hard for me in the beginning; I felt lost and confused reading cookbooks full of unfamiliar recipes, and now I feel like we are starting over, the Adam and Eve of culinary gardening, discovering new tastes, and new ways of cooking things, that are not really new, but have been lost to our generation becuase we have been too busy shopping for Lean Cuisines. I think that we are embarking on a great life together in the kitchen. That this is going to unfold in to new ideas for us in other ares of our living as well and we will find that we are doing more for ourselves, growing more for ourselves and leaning less on the commercial world as we delve into this forgotten business of rediscovering our "roots". I love this adventure and I just need a reminder now and then. So when I get harried or frustrated and when I am swearing like a sailor and begging for something easy to cook, pull out the food procesor and bring some basil in from the garden and remind me of last night and the "mmmm" and the goodness that this is bringing.

Garden Basil Sunflower Pesto

4-6 cups fresh from the garden basil

lots of garlic

sunflower seeds (unsalted) about a cup

juice of a lemon

about 1/3 cup olive oil (for creamy consistency)

salt and pepper to taste

Place basil, garlic sunflower seeds and lemon juice in food processer and pulse until well blended. on low speed, drizzle in olive oil and blend until creamy. dash in salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight. Serve on pizza or use as a dip for crudite or any tasty bread or cracker. Would also be nummy over pasta.

Where we left off

So, where was I in my rambling. Oh, yea. So eating Veg has been great for mom's BP and cholesterol and we all feel really good about cutting meat out. Dad still gets his hot dogs when he wants em, and has his Tony's pizzas etc but we have not bought "meat" meat in over two months.

Scott is being tested for Gluten intolerance. The initial tests for Celiac came back negative so we are in the expanded tests and he is on a six week challenge test. Trying to balance a vegetarian, gluten free diet for Scott, a low-sodium, low-cholesterol diet for mom and making sure that baby gets everything she needs for balanced nutrition leaves me frazzled. You would think that cookbooks for vegetarians woudl be inheritantly healthy but I am amazed at the sodium content of some of the recipes. And often times the veg cookbooks tend to make up for a lack of meat with heavy dairy, cheese and eggs, sort of defeats the purpose in our book. Scott is finding that many of the gluten free books lean towards heavy meat-laden dishes. So far we have not found a cookbook that is a for the gluten-free vegetarian. Our pediatrician is on board with Rom being a vegetarian as long as we don't hold out on dairy or eggs until she is older. We are okay with that too for now. Well, that gets us caught up. My frustrations will be many, my challenges multiple and as I find solutions I wil gladly share :)

B

Why I feel I need yet another blog....

Let me introduce myself. I am a mommy. Yea for me! I love my baby and my husband. We are quite the little team, we three. We have a house in a suburb (never thought that would be us!) and we share it with my parents! Sandwich generation someone called it the other day.

Well, I hope you get to know us a little better as time goes on but this blog is mostly about our eating habits since it seems lately that is what we spend most of our days focusing on, especially it seems, me. I think maybe becuase I do most of the shopping, list making, meal planning etc. the recent weeks have turned me on my head and I don't really know where I stand anymore. Suddenly my trusty cookbooks and standby recipes are no longer so trusty and standbyish.

Let's start from the beginning. First there is me, I guess. 30 years old. Slugging around all the baby weight (and then some) on my 5 feet 4 inches. I have polycystic ovaries (look it up, that's its own blog) and a sweet tooth. Then there is hubby. Tall, thin, blond, Nordic-ly handsome and perfectly healthy (ha, we'll get to that). Baby is a gem. She is turning one next Saturday and so far so good. nothing worse than the occasionaly broccoli toot and some bad teething nights. She is pleasantly plump but not what we jokingly refer to as a "Jerry Springer" baby (you know the ones that are scarfing down pancakes, waffles and sausages four times a day while mama cries and cannot figure out why baby is tipping the scales at 150 pounds?) She is a beaut! Then there is grandma. She is ** years old. I think she woudl kill me if I put her age in. She is old enough to be my mom but not old enough to get a senior citizen's discount. There that should do it. She has diabetes (insulin dependent type II) and was recently diagnosed with hypertension and hyperlipidemia (the kickoff for the new fooding). Then there is good ole grandpa. Who does not seem old enough to be a grandpa, does not act like a grandpa when baby is not around and lives for midnight chili dogs and Tony's pizza. And of course has perfect labs. With the exception of a bout of diverticulitis about a year ago, he is healthy as an ox. Not fair.

So, this all started with G-ma's new diagnoses. No, I take that back. It started about 5 weeks ago when I decided that I did not want to eat meat for a month. I had done this once before and decided that it was time to do it for another round. Then mom got diagnosed with HBP. Things kinda snowballed and within two weeks she and I and hubby decided to forgo meat long term. So now I can say we are becoming vegetarians. Great for mom's high blood presure.